NASA Image of the Day

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Why Women Love The Zohan : a short list.

1. He's out of date stylewise, too. And yet, somehow, it's just...okay!

2. He admits you will have to pay for your own meal, but he'll dance around it naked first. He will then joke that normally you would expect to be whoring yourself in this way. You will agree, and not care. Then you will both eat dinner. He will feel a bit silly, sitting there cross legged on the floor, with the napking covering his Mr. Winky, so as not to be disconcerting, or cause you to stare impolitely.

3. The man will screw anything, whilst vigourously avoiding disease....and this is just the myriad of cabinets. Imagine what he could do with an actual HAMMER, and a decent set of don't you feel silly? (It's just really not the same, when you have to explain the damned jokes, is it? Sigh...)

At any rate, getting back to the rest of it....this will concern you, somewhat, temporarily, but you will not engage in it, yourself, so it will simply be a "brush with greatness" moment. This is, after all, a mission to him, to bring happiness to women, and instills a sense of real hope, particularly if you have been called frigid because you abstain from anal sex. He will tell you that you are a unique person, that he will give you head, instead, and not to worry. Then he will massage your scalp vigourously - just in case you misunderstood, or became confused at the language issue, which he has difficulty with, occasionally. Your brain will be revived and refreshed. You will not develop rosacea, or experience momentary prestroke syndrome. The way he strokes your right ear will cause you to "feel the wet fuzzy" in your nether regions. You will tell no one, but know you, too, have joined the "Fuzz Balls." You will smile secretly, at nothing at all, often, after that.

4. Doing dishes will invite sexy possibilities. A man who makes housework sexually enticing is really kind of God-like. Well, Dr. Ruth-like, anyway - and the sooner you get it over with, the better...right? Wait: this is how it usually is....did we get on the wrong track, with this one? Medic.....

5. You will imagine him as Gumby. This is odd, but really kind of thrilling.....

6. Tomorrow, you will add to this list. You have become too numb for words, presently, what with all the sudden sweating, and the paper bag over your head to stop the hiccups...but clean hippy good looks make you feel twenty again, dammit....BREATHE!!!!

My Retarded Social Development

(Stage Direction for Reading Aloud)..."assume a soft, intimate, almost secretive voice while saying this, and include the reader, as ...oh...almost a confidante, really..... Begin by taking a long breath, and close, serious, and committed attention to the gift of God that is literature's road map indicator: punctuation, in all of its rapturous stops and starts. And....go:"

Confessor (don't actually say this, and start again, if you did. This is the character's name, in a play.) :

Apparently, unbeknownst to me, there comes a time in every middle aged woman's life - who has realized, with clanging clarity, that her RRSP fund sucks the boner - or, worse yet, has flown into space with the sadness egg called "I have no life" - when she feels an overwhelming desire, (having been abandoned by both sanity and any known human being who can speak in full sentences)to run screaming into the street, yelling madly of thrilling ends to heretofore steamily imagined sexual encounters.

(Some, over a long period of time, even. Bugger! No offense to those who might assume that it would alway be both thrilling AND successful. Also, no offense to those who actually consider plebean activities like...oh...getting a job, for instance. read the previous bracketed words out loud, but not this part, as its meant to explain the concept of an intimate aside...ahem. Also, don't SAY ahem, just kind of cough, instead.)

And I thought the glamourous world of scrap metal recycling security had people breathing heavily.....where HAVE I been?

Yet another sadly realized example of my retarded social progress, I fear...sigh.(don't say this last word, just actually DO it, in a way that does not provoke or expect any kind of sickening reaction like...pity, for example, which often pre empts vomiting.)

The end. (Don't actually say that last bit out loud.)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Hark the Herald Angels Sing -inciting the drone in you

Ah, sweet seasons of sessions of silent thought!

It's enough to make even the Heralds stop and cease provoking, this Memorial Weekend....and I do mean weak end.

In fact, I'm so thrilled at the prospect of the utilization of a heretofore honourable pastime - writing - to heap scourge upon another artist - NOT - that I have decided to celebrate the true staying power of the "drone in us"....otherwise known as your friendly neighbourhood assembly line worker...or "blue collar Baby jane", as I like to call us, by outlining the positive qualities of said underpinned, undervalued, and underestimated.

The Canadian variety, particularly, boring as we may be, have the self-discipline of the most stoic rocket scientist, the staying power of a nurse, and the patience of a saint, as anyone who has managed to "stick it out" for longer than 24 hours in anything other than blathering on about an outburst of temper tantrum and a lack of work ethic, will tell you at the drop of a hat.

Let us celebrate, then, friends, the successful among us, who move beyond the day-to-day use of both repetition and the musicality of it, to achieve such mortal succesess as: books, documents, operas, symphonies, perfection in piano, equisiteness in line, meter, pitch and rhythm, and delicacy in quality, quantity, and visual beauty in any product produced by two hands.

Even as we share this stoicism, now, with our heretofore ignored brothers and sisters in Mexico, who now will be responsible for erecting the lowly pickup truck, to service farmers everywhere, let us hope they value this "sharing of space and time", even as we strive to maintain balance, ethics, and a decent working wage for the general populace, in tandem with a benefit plan, a lack of destruction of the environment, and the necessity for making a living - plebean as it may be, for those whose lack of understanding of both "robotics" and the discipline required to control one's activities within this infrastructure, so as not to be replaced by the mechanical, ever asserts itself, with a certain ....aplomb.

Ah, Keanu: ah, wind; ah....success. Its quiet self continues on, unabashed, unabated....undaunted. There is a sweet rhythm to it, is there not? If only envy was always replaced by the comaraderie of pride in the achievements of those we love and admire...but, alas, the "line worker" mentality is not for everyone....

Methinks life might do well to consider it, within the framework of an insistence upon itself. But then, Jon Bauer, why would I ever "sign in" to respond to anything I view as incorrect, misunderstood, and immaturely provocative in nature?

Wink....perhaps the Gort in us is freer than we think, if only as a result of robotic restraint.

Kind Regards, as ever...

Friday, May 22, 2009

Proximity Shock

What spark, then? What, the glowing, hence, just there, in you?
Oh, speck of fire in glint of eye
That glows and glimmers with its mirror:
Too soon, too late, too early, eerily, when met - back, apace, leaping recognition:
What of this? What is this knowing, beyond immediate,
Beyond speaking, beyond a seeing...only heat of fire and ice?
Is't so late, that being met of self,
Joined is met, and blend, and spark, and speak, at once?
What, this strangeness? Oh, sweet welcome madness; move, oh tremulous timbred throat, thundering near cadence measured, ever, in trill, and sigh, nearer:
What, this spell of letter, light, and love?
What, of round, and square, and orb, and ear;
How, of in, and on, and of, and us:
When, of is, and are, and be?
What, of we?
'Tis two; 'tis one...'tis three - must be.
No face, no fire could light, myself, (yourself, ourselves,) but thee(mewe), so

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Stir in Stillness

What starlight gaze, in its quiet path of gleaming,
Could light such a way as this?
Ah, gleaming; see, only see, this path, this path of stillness,
Written, as it is, in all the secret places
Held so closely
They cannot be spoken,
Only known
Found, as they are,
On rocks, and deep, loved places,
And walls that are
At last,

Thursday, May 14, 2009

League Alert!

Hearken, Known League!

We welcome in our midst, the following:

Sir Saving Grace, Sir Peaceov, and to the first level: Library Man.

They are known to us, henceforth, as brothers in effort, in heart, in Service.

May Love strengthen us all.

The Chair.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Good Verse Rescueth Mime

Cultural exploration, vernacular particles of self, realized,
I salute thee:
Were it not so, I would suffer the fate of far lesser banality,
Suffering madly for art, and
Wallowing wildy in aphorism, alliteration, and allegory -
Lest I swear.

Far better, an incorrect salute,
Than a mouthed
Fart into Space; especially in mixed company.
Yay, it approacheth...high irregularity!
(Perish the thought...dear down under...he says, mildly, if somewhat..slowly,
In response, trying to breathe between suppressed laughter)

Luckily, verbiage rescues - anon,
And I utter,
Swaying wildly;
Lest mammaries cloud vision
And ears slip away, erstwhile....I sigh:
Ah, to feel elfin! It's driven to dervish, I am,
Though flit be far - and flat the soda:
I bloom, then, and blush, sweet lodge sheen upon the
Hills of Morning,

.....remembering Latin.

Easy Rider, Random thoughts, and Caps.

"Oh, to be a roaming, there, aboot the gloaming....."

Remember when they used words like that? Well, I don't either, but I remember people reading them to me, and they sounded real; in the moment; vital.

The years slipped away, and became someone else's now, fifty years ago, with a different haircut.

Not as easy, then, with feelings; not as easy, then, with lives; not as easy, then.
Funny thing, that word: easy.
"Easy come; easy go."
"Easy like a Sunday Morning."
"Easy enough for you to say."
"Oh, she's...." (cough) " Easy." (That last worse than death, in some quarters. They wore gloves, had perfect darts where their breasts fit in, swished when ogled at(probably where the males who do it, learned it - both swish and ogle, to be sensitive - in thoughtful retrospect), and had murderous beauty routines and murderous instincts, when their date cancelled. Both led to Valium, later in life.
"Easy enough to get."
"Easy, breezy, highly attractive." (Not to be sued. Easy to be sued, dammit, even when attempting flattery, which is often mistaken for inaccurate plagarism, instead of brief reference.) Easy, my ass. See above murderous beauty routine. Most gene combinations "blew", as they say - somewhat indelicately. You got at least one zit, and did not look or act nicely during menstrual cramps. This last you never discussed. Or skipped gym because of it, risking potential embarassment to prove your toughness in a hideous, ballooning jumper designed to make you look astoundingly like a human showercap. Imagine my amazement when I discovered that the plant holders in the dollar store were actually mini shower caps, complete with elastic around the edges, and flower designs. Swear to God. "Shit: those people love their flowers", she thinks to herself, seeing the "made in China" label. I mean, shower caps for your there a name for that, that isn't anthropomorphic, or insulting, in a language I have not yet learned to swear in, with both gusto, and a certain polite hesitance?
Ah, too easy, I expect. Now I have twenty seven shower caps, in sizes far too small to fit any known head, but my God, all my plants will never, ever ruin my furniture, and may also become doctors one day....
Just like that! (Wink.)
At moments like these I realize how sensitive people in every part of this world are, when you understand them.
Also, when you eat food you're not used to, don't throw up, and compliment them on how unique it is, unless it's eyeballs, which really are both an acquired taste,
and only available in season, unless you want to get asked for
Your license. And they'll know if you lie. Eat tapioca next time, and don't be a Hero.
Easy stuff.
Sometimes it's the poetry of the idea - and a lot easier, too, on
The Bear.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Small buoyed Life Us Secret!

We shall be excited at eyes.
When we see them, blinking back in orb-starved nakedness,
We will know that they are cradled in a blending of our wetness,
You and I,
Like cradled fluid, delicately sheltering, though outside myself.
Perhap it is more shared, that I have allowed outsideness, in this,
Splitting the myhalf beingness, so you can buyoant-balance, too;
I am not selfish about these things, after all, though it is me that has the
Appropriate being shell, technically.
It is a mindlove, then, which allows this beyond ourselves; a meld of self, truly:
Just joy.
We have not made the dust part, but sweep up the particles to our hearts, dearest,
Most intimately; most joyfully; most privately - most openly.
See the blinking!It is somehow happier, now,
Like stars streaking through sky, suddenly, touched into Being
by Michaelangelo's Maker,
At last.
Kiss me, quick! You need my breath; I need your Desire of Ages.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Sleep Star Frontier

Amidst this strange sea, walk-swimming and focused,
This life amongst jungle concrete
Sidewalk cemented possibles,
And smiles that were, before the "saw scream",
A haunting persists:
Strangling my breathing,
Man mix grey encased almost-forgot-chirp seems a small noise, remembered;
And then...
See oh see, the small sound sprouting! What doing is this, of you?
In such a wind as this, the spring of which, eyes drooping,
Tiredly keeps the beating
Steady - lest the line not jump and dance
Upon the screen, as you would have it -
I can break even this stone
That was my
Only speak!
I shall give you words to fly across the page,
Look up, and
Smile again, at space, Opening.