NASA Image of the Day

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

"Marcus Possibilus Quirks and Quarks" by Dawn M. Nevills

"The Great and Powerful Roz" by Dawn M. Nevills

"Crucible Buoyed". xo by Dawn M. Nevills

"Beautiful Survivor" by Dawn M. Nevills

"Contemplating Concepts" by Dawn M. Nevills

"Smiling Again" by Dawn M. Nevills

"Ruffled Gaze" by Dawn M. Nevills

"Braid-on-your-shoulder Sis" by Dawn M. Nevills

"Mon Cavalier" by Dawn M. Nevills

"Prophet Ear" by Dawn M. Nevills

HM The Queen

"Madame George" - by Dawn M. Nevills

"Sleepy Burberry" by Dawn M. Nevills

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Mona Lisa - for me, he says.

Exquisite sorrow, buried earth deep in an inferior womb Speaks longingly, in quiet brushstrokes, Of its earnest imperfection, Retaining the spirit of Rejected Matter, in Defiance. Of aged and rustic instincts, The nurturing of Gardens and gargoyles, murmuring mysterious, Must satisfy all Predilection - which both Belittles and Bemuses Assumption. Life simply smiles, Framed. D. Nevills Sept 11, 2013

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Smile Maker...(thanks to a Perry parry.....laughter.)

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Morning Shower

Oh, what quiet joy this is, to be refreshed by the rain, as the sun peeks awake! It clings to me, and I stretch, refreshed, late summer's bloom, sighing. For just a blink, I dream of being that twinkle-eyed little girl, splashing joyously naked Through the sprinklers thrown with gentle abandon by God. Eyes closed, the smile - and the twinkle - are Renewed, and all the plants wave in the mist of a New Day.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


A thousand rocky shores have housed each fleck and shell and grain of sand Which might have seen your face. Now they are gone, like fleeting brushes with the corporeal instant we have in this life, When carbon to carbon, we meet substance, stopping to Warm ourselves against, within, upon, beneath, amidst and around, Seeking. Sinking and flying, we are surrounded by each, ultimately ebbing and flowing back To each other's All, and once, when the sigh signalled that we were conscious of the other, It was enough to Know.

Monday, August 19, 2013

At Last! (A tribute to Etta James).

The Play - the thing.

In shadowed night and misted moment, a face can draw so near That I can almost see the eyes upon me, and then is when I hear A voice, incredulous and low Marvel, "Love, you've made it so". Amidst the green and gloom, one star I see, and when it shines so quietly, Its meaning - upon a band, and in my heart - As I shepherd in my way - with Bo Peep smile, and staff of Cross - Is never "Part", but whole - and meaning, shrouded thus, Suddenly is clear. Who is a man, but all he wants to be? In all the lives he lives, alway, he finds himself, And puts away a small reminder, like a jar upon a shelf, Within his mind, for living. Fully realized, the words and steps he takes, though ordered true, Are always his, at last, Directing "I", and "eyes" and "thou", and "do", Whereupon the dance of spirits, seeming random, Find the place, in shadow and in sunlight Of a storied stage, making pieces of their lives Fit neatly into themselves. What tales, they find, these solemn sprites, to linger, yet awhile, In lives of working soul-a-days! Are they trite or sorrow-filled, as when a loss in smaller lives Are lived again, in larger ways, with understanding fresh And shared, like warm, huge, pretzels on a windy day, while waiting at a stop? None say "yes" - just know, at once, the pang of still-felt sorrow, Joy, or shock, or moan - The meaning sharp and clear, and to the bone.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Recovered Spiral

I want the slow path of your eyes To trace the wear of time and brutality on my body, anxiously, Followed by your lips. I want you to speak my unspoken Sorrow, quietly Against my mouth, pressing Softly and urgently, imprinting shared impact and effect, Whispering. I want the soft tip of questioning to salve the sleeplessness beneath my waking gaze, And melt the years into Unnecessary perfection, loving the developed shell, and the Cognizant sigh. I want my Risen Phoenix, speaking Of marvels and moments, head resting gently on my thigh, to sleep and moan, and sleep and moan, Rejecting the steady slumber of Death, for Euphoric Love's tortuous theft of Precious stolen Time, glad of Fitful nodding, and mocking the glass pigeon like a defiant Falcon, covering his Beloved.


When shaded gaze meets quiet fire there is a strange water; Moving, rippling, slowing working its lap ebb upon rock, The etch and mold of neverceasing blends the elements, both without and within, Transmuting and transcending both selves, and Mixing the mutation and meld into Syncopation. I cannot tell which is stronger, or more feminine, or more masculine; I can only see them clinging to each other, Sighing as they dissipate... Finally, sought, seeking, and Found, they exchange composites and composure. Oh, the water murmur! 'Midst the silences, ragged whisper and trickle Seek time, time....only time! And all the mouthed words, lost in the softness of Now Seem Enough, and Enough, and Please, amidst the wild and trailing fronds and fragile petals of Ardent humility, opening, at last, and Alive. Within the Bridge Across Forever they form, entwined, A particle, reaching and moving beyond the permeating ache of Sky, Realized. Against the other's lips, they simply join and join and join Endlessly, attempting Speech, knowing there is only the same word: Love.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

"Daisy Jane"

ARTS in HEALTHCARE therapy items by Dawn M. Nevills, Arts-in-Healthcare Consultant, B.A., Dip. Psych., Dip. P.I., Dip. Pol. Sci.

                                                 "Forest in Late Summer"

                                                      watercolour by Dawn M. Nevills

                                             "Seeing Into Grief" Mousepad   $12.95 Cdn.
                                               watercolour/acrylic painting by Dawn M. Nevills
                                (A portion of proceeds from this item is donated to the Canadian
                                 Cancer Society)
   ..........can you see the silver tree in the middle, the green and red leaf on either side, and the silver
             horse running wildlly away from the flames, aside from the two faces, one "hoarse" from
              trying to talk to the grief-stricken, closed-mouthed figure on the left? Two paintings in one!

Monday, July 8, 2013

2nd Kings, Chapter 5 Verses 1-14

1.Now Naaman, captain of the host of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master, and honourable, because by him the Lord had given deliverance unto Syria; he was also a mighty man in valour, but he was a leper.

2. And the Syrians had gone out by companies, and had brought away captive out of the land of Israel a little maid; and she waited on Naaman's wife.

3. And she said unto her mistress, "Would God my Lord were with the prophet that is in Samaria!, for he would recover him of his leprosy."

4. And one went in, and told his lord, saying, Thus and thus said the maid that is of the land of Israel.

5. And the king of Syria said, Go to, go, and I will send a letter unto the king of Israel. And he departed, and took with him ten talents of silver, and six thousand pieces of gold, and ten changes of raiment.

6. And he brought the letter to the king of Israel, saying, Now when this letter is come unto thee, behold, I have therewith sent Naaman my servant to thee, that thou mayest recover him of his leprosy.

7. And it came to pass, when the king of Israel had read the letter, that he rent his clothes, and said, Am I God, to kill and to make alive, that this man doth send unto me to recover a man of his leprosy? Wherefore consider, I pray you and see how he seeketh a quarrel against me.

8. And it was so, when Elisha the man of God had heard that the king of Israel had rent his clothes, that he sent to the king, saying, Wherefore hast thou rent thy clothes? let him come now to me, and he shall know that there is a prophet in Israel.

9. So Naaman came with his horses and with his chariot, and stood at the door of the house of Elisha.

10. And Elisha sent a messenger unto him, saying, Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean.

11. But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper.

12. Are not Aban and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? may I not wash in them, and be clean? So he turned and went away in a rage.

13. And his servants came near, and spake unto him, and said, My father if the prophet had bid thee do some great thing, wouldest thou not have done it? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?

14. Then went he down, and dipped himself seven times in Jordan, according to the saying of the man of God; and his flesh came again like unto the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.

Chapter 8

...19 Yet the Lord would not destroy Judah for David his servant's sake, as he promised him to give him alway a light, and to his children....

Psalm 119


57. Thou art my portion, O Lord; I have said that I will keep thy words.

58. I intreated thy favour with my whole heart; be merciful unto me according to thy word.

59. I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.

60. I made haste, and delayed not to keep thy commandments.

61. The bands of the wicked have robbed me; but I have not forgotten thy law.

62. At midnight I will rise to give thanks unto thee because of thy righteous judgements.

63. I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts.

64. The earth, O Lord, is full of thy mercy; teach me thy statutes.


49. Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.

50. This is my comfort in my afflictions: for thy word hath quickened me.

51. The proud have had me greatly in derision; yet have I not declined from thy law.

52. I remembered thy judgements of old, O Lord; and have comforted myself.

53. Horror hath taken hold upon me because of the wicked that forsake thy law.

54. Thy statutes have been my songs in the house of my pilgrimage.

55. I have remembered thy name, O Lord, in the night, and have kept thy law.

56. This I had, because I kept thy precepts.


17. Deal bountifully with thy servant, that I may live, and keep thy word.

18. Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law.

19. I am a stranger in the earth; hide not thy commandments from me.

20. My soul breaketh for the longing that it hath unto thy judgements at all times.

21. Thou hast rebuked the proud that are cursed, which do err from thy commandments.

22. Remove from me reproach and contempt; for I have kept thy testimonies.

23. Princes also did sit and speak against me; but thy servant did meditate in thy statutes.

24. Thy testimonies also are my delight and my counsellors.

Psalm 119 -


105. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

106. I have sworn, and I will perform it, that I will keep thy righteous judgements.

107. I am afflicted very much; quicken me, O Lord, according unto thy word.

108. Accept, I beseech thee, the freewill offerings of my mouth, O Lord, and teach me thy judgements.

109. My soul is continually in my hand: yet do I not forget thy law.

110. The wicked have laid a snare for me; yet I erred not from thy precepts.

111. Thy testimonies have I taken as an heritage for ever: for they are the rejoicing of my heart.

112. I have inclined mine heart to perform thy statutes alway, even unto the end.


113. I hate vain thoughts; but thy law do I love.

114. Thu art my hiding place and my shield; I hope in thy word.

115. Depart from me, ye evildoers; for I will keep the commandments of my God.

116. Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live; and let me not be ashamed of my hope.

117. Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe; and I will have respect unto thy statutes continually.

118. Thou hast trodden down all them that err from thy statutes; for their deceit is falsehood.

119. Thou puttest away all the wicked of the earth like dross; therefore I love thy testimonies.

120. My flesh trembleth for fear of thee; and I am afraid of thy judgements.


129. Thy testimonies are wonderful; therefore doth my soul keep them.

130. The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.

131. I opened my mouth, and panted; for I longed for thy commandments.

132. Look thou upon me, and be merciful unto me, as thou usest to do unto those that love thy name.

133. Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.

134. Deliver me from the oppression of man; so will I keep thy precepts.

135. Make thy face to shine upon thy servant; and teach me thy statutes.

136. Rivers of waters run down mine eyes, because they keep not thy law.

Psalm 130

A Song of Degrees
1. Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord.
2. Lord, hear my voice; let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.
3. If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?
4. But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.
5. I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
6. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.
7. Let Israel hope in the Lord; for with the Lord there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption.
8. And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

Jesus answered, "My kingdom is not of this world."

Saint Mark Chapter 9 Verse 23

Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

Verse 24
And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

Verse 25 When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, sayng unto him, "Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him."

Verse 26. And the spirit cried, and rent him sore, and came out f him; and he was as one dead; insomuch that many said, He is dead.

Verse 27. But Jesus took him by the hand, and lifted him up, and he arose.

Verse 28 And when he was come into the house, his disciples asked him privately, Why could not we cast him out?

Verse 29. And he said unto them, "This kind can come forth by nothing, but by prayer and fasting."




     Question: What kind of "fasting" will you do, if any? Is it all about food - and what do we mean by "hunger" and "appetite"? ....can we, after all, "hunger" for The Word?  Why, or why not?

Something to think about........

Sunday, June 30, 2013

LUKE Chapter 9 Verses 33-62. "The KING in EVERYMAN."

33. And it came to pass, as they departed from him, Peter said unto Jesus, Master, it is good for us to be here; and let us make three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias; not knowing what he said.
34. While he thus spake, there came a cloud, and overshadowed them; and they feared as they entered into the cloud.
35. And there came a voice out of the cloud, saying, "This is my beloved Son; hear him."
36. And when the voice was past, Jesus was found alone. And they kept it close, and told no man in those days any of those things which they had seen.
37. And it came to pass, that on the next day, when they were come down from the hill, much people met him. 
38. And, behold, a man of the company cried out, saying, "Master, I beseech thee, look upon my son; for he is mine only child.
39. And, lo, a spirit taketh him, and he suddenly crieth out; and it teareth him, that he foameth again, and bruising, him, hardly departeth from him.
40. And I besought thy disciples to cast him out; and they could not."
41. And Jesus answering, said, "O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you, and suffer you? Bring they son hither."
42.And as he was yet a coming, the devil threw him down, and tare him. And Jesus rebuked the unclean spirit, and healed the child, and delivered him again to his father.
43. And they were all amazed at the mighty Power of God. But while they wondered, every one, at all things which Jesus did, he said unto his disciples,
44. "Let these sayings sink down into your ears; for the Son of Man shall be delivered into the hands of men."
45. But they understood not this saying, and it was hid from them, that they perceived it not; and they feared to ask him of that saying.
46. Then there arose a reasoning among them, which of them should be greatest.
47. And Jesus, perceiving the thoughts of their heart, took a child, and set him by him.
48. And said unto them, Whosoever shall receive this child in my name, receiveth me; and whosoever receiveth me receiveth him that sent me; for he that is least among you all, the same shall be great.
49. And John answered and said, "Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, ; and we forbad him, because he followeth not with us."
50. And Jesus said unto him, ":Forbid him not; for he that is not against us, is for us."
51. And it came to pass, when the time was come, that he should be received up, he steadfastly set his face to Jerusalem.
52. And sent messengers before his face; and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him.
53. And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem.
54. And when his dsciples James, and John saw this, they said, "Lord wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did?"
55. But He turned, and rebuked them, and said, "Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of. 
56. For the Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them." And they went to another village.
57. And it came to pass, that, as they went in the way, a certain man said unto him, "Lord, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest."
58. And Jesus said unto him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head."
59. And he said unto another, "Follow me." But he said,  "Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father."
60. Jesus said unto him, "Let the dead bury their dead; but go, Thou, and preach the kingdom of God".
61. And another also said, "Lord, I will follow Thee, but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house."
62. And Jesus said unto him, "No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

The word of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thanks be to God......are YOU looking forward to..................

               The steps, and the challenges, and wonders and successes which lay ahead for you, now that you have begun to "change" how you look at the world, in all of its complexity? ....or are you, in longing for all that you know from your early life, not see them cheering you on to new Wonders?  We take them, and their love, and the past - good and bad - with us wherever we go, and whoever's lives we touch, even but for a Moment....

And, like Ghandi said, we must sometimes BE the change we want to see in the world, when we despair that there are no more examples "quite good enough to sustain us", through "perfect" example, anymore. Life can be difficult, and burdensome, and frustrating, after all.....

.....but when we "Make that Moment Count" for the Glory of God - day after day, painstaking effort after painstaking effort; making the seemingly impossible suddenly seem possible again, in whatever way, and whatever manner, that moment challenges us, without allowing others to dictate who, what, when, where and how we will achieve as ourselves, through our own efforts, then those "ripples and waves" - US - keep time within the Song of the Calm Seas of our hearts and minds which move people, and places, and Quieted Minds to a better, "Possible" life. And, while we keep time with the steady rhythm of the oceans and the Seas of God's Love - which, literally, do so both within and without of our corporeal shell, like one amazingly, fantastically, unbelievably, seemingly discordant, but yet now, beautifully orchestrated BAND, the formerly despairing, come to an instant, and wondering, new realization of What Dreams Still May Come." How wondrous is the Lord!

Like the recycler who sees something, still, in that which was abandoned, discarded, or not deemed "worthy" of anything else, anymore (perhaps to itself, saddest of all) the Lord still sees something in us, takes the Iron, and builds the Ship again. We are his Vessels, and we hoist the Main Sail every day into new worlds, and in new ways which demand more of us, both in our daily lives, and in circumstances and places in which we never dreamed that our voices might well be the very Breath of God.

Steady as she goes.....let's stay the course, keep a steady pace....and, though we may wish to, keep from "jumping overboard" when the way ahead seems fraught with unimaginable impossibility, remembering how the Songs of Solomon, and the Breath of God,  moved - and still move - the "King in Every Man" to action.

What kind of "King" are you - or will you be, starting tomorrow...or this very moment?

..."Till next time!


Monday, June 17, 2013

Myself's Self

I desire to move beyond surface.

I wish to surf the turbulent rage of forget, stuffed punishingly into the safe of self denial, where it beats against the iron walls, sobbing of

Its demise.

I move, fearlessly, lifting the perfection mask of invulnerable, to find, there, desire, and need, and appetite, intertwined in a silent twist of Life's Treasured,

held close and fiercely against a Heart from which it is torn, mocked.

I seek to disturb, in the doing, awakening life and age in a perpetual vacuum of Success, jolted by Love, and I am

Joined, finally, by a throb alien to me, that is my


It strokes me, speaking my name, in a voice known to Stars, and Stares, having washed itself clean of

Perceived Invulnerability, and says, softly, that

it loves me.

I feel it does, and embrace it, discovering a man finite and spirit, intermingled, moaning of torn moments and shredded possibles.

He knows me, and is afraid, despite the

Ragged Kiss, having waited for


Dawn M. Nevills, June 17, 2013.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day, Sunday, June 16, 2013

Dear Dad,

I was going to write a poem: something with a clever ABAB rhyming scheme, referencing ageless virtues, stalwart natures, adventurous spirits, determined loyalty....all good and true, interspersed with a sense of all-too-human self doubt, and the gentle humility and enclosure of a 50-year marriage to my loving, funny, and wonderful, mother.

I was going to talk about all of those things, because they remain the example of a kind and good man; a man who, with his equally kind wife, provided - and continues to provide - an example of something priceless: reliability.

No matter how tired you were, you got up in the morning, Dad, and went to work. As Keanu Reeves said, about someone HE admired, in a piece of writing I read, "you showed up".

I've driven through blizzards and pinched my cheeks pink and awake, to follow that example, when we had a 20% call-off on the work floor with the flu....and all really sick. I was well - and I "showed up", too. I still try to, no matter how much I'd rather be somewhere else. I realize, as I grow older, what a rarity that quality really is.

No matter how difficult or challenging finances found the money for school pictures.

No matter how much you thought that the quiet, steady, flash-of-humour, rapier wit, firmly principled example went unnoticed in a world of glamourous, violent, medalled men, you won what no other man, medalled or otherwise, could have: the love, respect, and abiding gratefulness of children who love you - and, in my case, respect for your humanity, imperfection, and striving for a better self in all of us. A quiet Wordsworth ran through every outlook and perspective you shared.  There is no medal for this - only us, your children, as a legacy of those moments.

There are no awards for these things, really, save the knowledge that no matter how daunting the day seemed, no matter what other men said, did, went, perpetrated, spoke of, or presumed, the simplicity of a man who loved, cared for, supported, and encouraged his Family, will remain with me Forever.

Other men have failed me, Dad; in example, reliability, love, and concern; and although you never pretended to be perfect - warned me against presuming anyone was, in fact, least of all, you - I saw a man with a quiet fierceness whose kindness was - and is - along with the love he has for a careful group of people - real, whose encouragement for a fiercely independent daughter was equally real, and whose curiousity and adventurous spirit took my mother to far off places, and made friends throughout a still hopeful World. I see a glow of love, after almost fifty years of marriage, that hints of some real warmth - good and bad - but always honest.     

Thank you for your working spirit; thank you for your caution to rest, too; thank you for the urging of the quiet step back - which came in handy in dangerous places - along with the firm tone, the bantering, the awkwardness and the rough affection, (since I wasn't a boy, and sometimes it must have been tough to have all of those deep discussions about uncomfortable things that I wanted answers to, no matter how embarassing) since it was always something wondrous and inspiring: you.

Thank you for the ability to consider, and change, and grow, as a human being. Thank you for assuring me that what I viewed as "successful" was not weird, compared to other women.

Thank you for every day more I am blessed with these loving gifts, and a Dad who thinks that what I have to say, and think, and dream of, and try to do, are of equal importance, in a sometimes brutish, and ignorant, world.

God Bless you, Daddy, and  Happy Father's Day.


Your Daughter. xo 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Happy Coronation Day!

Congratulations to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, with an astounding - and ongoing! - record of service to others, who celebrates the anniversary of her Coronation Day, today. 

With the spirit of that very fine example in heart and mind, I hope you did something for someone else today that changed their world for the better - even in a small way.

Perhaps you brightened their world by making your neighbourhood prettier; perhaps it was "Good Morning" on a tired walk to work; whatever small gesture or kindness, celebrate the secret that is the sacred between Crown and Cared for: trying to do good, when it appears it doesn't seem to does, to someone, still.

......and if you did nothing today - there's always tomorrow! You just never know how the smallest thing might make a difference that stays with a person for their whole lives.....or even one small, wonderful moment. They all matter.

God Bless and Happy Day!


A little Quiet Music Time

Saturday, May 25, 2013


In a snap of winter ice, spring pauses, sigh hand bracing,
And breathes a last thought of frozen Past.

Like all Fire and Ice moments, it is enough to live it, knowing.

...and I, harbinger of its Fears and Flames, Snaps and Snows, Ice Sleeps and Sorrows,
Speak the language of
Fierce eyes in the
Drawing in my breath,

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother .....and her day.

What if I am a rib? I would have you think of me as more than mere cage.
Even if I am only one, then - and only, now, understood, of this tree and rock and shale and sky, schooled - I nurture, still;
Tending to my wounds, scar upon scar, star upon star, standing sentinel,
The milk of my tears is mixed with blood and carbon, trying, trying, trying.....
Mixed and mean, unexpectedly kind, swift and salient......vessel, and vassal, and voice.
I am blamed, blameless, and burdened, and bear it, fiercely.
I am the dignity of all tried and true.
I see the smaller selves, ardent and searching, bird mouths, eyes closed, and flying;
Homing and corded, invisible threads of my heart, riding upon air and thought and hopes.
I remember the moments of their forming; the breathed and breathed into; the sigh, and the met, rounded;
I feel again, water's rhythm, forming, and joining, swimming into themselves, and each other, beautifully;
Endless dance of completed,
Exquisite pain, forgotten;
Replete and joyous, in the
I am now, and ago, and, though bereft of more of me, in these cyclical days of ending and passing through,
Dreaming, still,
of my

Monday, May 6, 2013


We hide our appetites, embarassed into denial,
Age mocking our knowledge of our slow demise.
Screaming against the passage of Time, we politely acknowledge the minutes and moments
As they glance at us, through us, amidst us,
And we are ignited with the recognition of
Life, unextinguished.
I would have lived many such selves as were given to me, kindly,
If only I had spent a fraction of the lost levees
Upon a soul that truly loved
My fierceness.
And what is love? To know, to see, to feel, to quench an appetite;
To slake and forgive it; to stoke and stroke it into being,
Relaxed in its glow, secret and sighing in its Adoring;
Having known it as
Expressed and Closed,
At last.


Wish away these baser things, in this modern age.
Witness the blossoming of my mind, expanding amidst all the horizons of sky travelled,
And see, whisked and wandering, stroked forearms, cilia springing, creating.
Awakened thusly, amidst seasons of springtime flushed and floundering,
Awkward youth remembering,
Renewal scoffs at all that is cruel in this life,
And, mocking flesh and numbered past,
I am reminded of when I sought spring.
Oh, that I had once thought no one wanted my self self's to scream silently of living!
Ragged whispers imagined, all the appetites of carbon dating stressed tools notwithstanding,
I defy Time.


I am blocked by distance;
Voided by the chasm of miles;
Starved by the absence of your mouth,
Speaking my name.

In the life of "Ahead", I am Captain, Still,
Manoevering the valueless ticks of Time
Which I see as small flits of Light and Life
Buoyed by my Heart.

Spent thus, it is a Cadence Clear, which,Steered so,
is the syllabus of syllables, sounding clearly;
And each note and sound are
My Eyes,

Sunday, May 5, 2013

To Be Loved

What has this life demanded of us,
That we cannot recognize, in an instant,
When ourselves are ourselves, again, met?
It happens, despite death - perhaps because of it,
Knowing that that word - death - is one we have made,
Mocking that which made us, even beyond ourselves,
Being more than ourselves, having Promised.
We can only breathe, and touch, thinking;
Or, barring that, or beyond that, speak to the other;
Sing to the other;
Form words for the other;
So that they speak as we would have them speak,
Having formed the answers in our heads
A thousand, thousand times.
Then, robbed of the corporeal enclosures of each other, for the moment,
We are simply
Thought of, and Known
We weep, and smile, refreshed; aggrieved, relieved.....perceived.
It is then we understand the dust, blown into Being, at last, from Love.
Oh, Love, Love!
What a love, needing more!
What a song, and a Joy, and a sudden calm!
It is rare, when we know vessel, are of Vessel, perceive Vassal, are of a Cup,
and yet, can be, and Be, and .....exist.
Filled with this Sense, we are calm, and Fierce, and loved
In the mists of uncertainty which cloud the forlorn and angry,
Having known nothing beyond
Atom, given its moments with great Care, and treasuring them in this Life, as never before.

Imagining "Let there Be"...and we, too imagine Lights and Love.

Incandescent rumble, rhythm of life, shaking, shaking, shaking
Yet in the foundations of self, knowing the moment
Perception Thought
that is Being, and
Fearing Not.
How so? whene'er air, within, without, in large space clearing forth
Clouded cloud, shaking moves anew
Being, renewing

Oh the cloudless, blameless Sky,
We see such a huge canvas, and
Marvel at the
Greatest Artist,
Moving Heav'n and Atom
in such a mold
Beyond Hands,
Thought of.
We can only think of carboned made, but know, still. It is Enough....for now. 
Breath has moved it,
Gently reminding - not awkward facsimiles of enormous effort.

See! and See! and See!
Only Imagined.....
This is Joy.
Oh, mind mine! What manner of evil shall take it from Me,
Says I.....says I's own, too, and then, to wound Us further,
promising nothing but
Envy at
Ah, no matter....they matter, and it is enough.
Again....sing into now, again.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Paint and Petals

Today is a new day.
When the bird song reminds me of the hour, I will think it, again;
Think of new thoughts; dream of new dreams;
Speak and sing a world away, but present, and bring our secret moment world closer to the heart that dreamed it,

I shall build in mind a thousand, thousand petalled lights, so that they shine with such a gleam
Your eyes will catch their glimmer, and glow, warmed, and earnest.

My fierce garden of new lights, gleaming, will grow, and grow, and your gaze will
Make a thousand flowers, newly nestled, strive to bloom,
Seeing in them, my wave, and my wander,
Scattering errant beauty like some wild and wooly
Monet of Emily Carr, on fire,

Monday, April 29, 2013

"Tears" of Joy and Happy Spring!

"Fun with cross cultural communication" a general spirit of xo.

Spring Shock

One must forgive the moaning earth its chill of bone and snap of icy breath, lingering;
Misting morning's watery sunlight fingers, pale and palsied,
When, springing forth, burst the wild petals of the first daffodil,
Scoffing at its own comings and goings,
Drinking in the promised dregs of drip and drizzle,
Mocking its own shock of colour, and
Shooting skyward
In a day.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Part 20 - Georgia's slipper.

Darcy stood like a sentinel, gripping his hands together, and turned towards the newly bejeweled woman he dreamed of while waking, with a pained expression, moving his face away from the plume now rising so close to the billboard, swallowing quietly.

Georgia had stepped quickly from the cab - too quickly, rushing to peer upwards at the sky, now suddenly filled with the winding trail of madness - and her shoe caught in the sidewalk, as her foot pulled free. She stepped on to the cold cement - a quick three running steps - lurching towards Darcy, the elegance of their romance shattered by the limp, and the precipitative shock of explosion. She turned backwards, pulling her coat towards her, winding it around her, suddenly, like a shroud, as a passerby stooped to pick up her shoe. Glancing at her stockinged foot, he strode gallantly forward, an unlikely Prince in the midst of carnage, and bent to slip the shoe onto her foot.

She glanced at his face, grateful for the unexpected old-fashioned gesture, and he nodded slightly, the shrouded eyes gleaming almost black in the pallor of his face. There was a slight flush high on his cheeks; a stark contrast to the wash of skin around his penetrating gaze.
He touched his right index finger to his lips, oddly, and then to his hat, bending slightly. A small, absent smile played about his mouth for a moment, as he peered up at the billboard. Then he strode quickly away.

A chill ran up Georgia's leg.

Rainy Day Soul xo...and a little Etta James moment

Sunday, April 7, 2013

"Bettered" - a new definition, a new outlook


Most understand that expression within a connotation of being "shown up"- or, in its next phase; "bested", or "beaten". 

"You have been bested", says the competitor....and scoffs.

"But", says my heart, "what if we were to redefine the word, and the sensibility, based on a REAL understanding of the word - and the language?"... And when I say "REAL", I mean the latest definition and understanding of God by a Cambridge Don, set on making "Presence" mean Itself: (i.e. "Here", and "Real" in everyday life - not difficult to understand, after a little careful thought, AT ALL.)

Calling out name after name, apparently, to check for "absence', he was struck, perhaps, by the answer: "Here." Every one who answered said, "I am here, Sir."

Do we do this with God? Is the answer the same? Where do we look for the response? Do we call and call, expecting an answer, when we should be responding, instead? Are you "here"? Are you "bettered"?Can we be, against seemingly impossible odds?

"Bettered". What do I possibly mean by examining one word with such precision?

How ELSE do we understand the word? When do we use it?

- when we truly FEEL, perhaps, but can't articulate "a sense of relief at improvement in our sensed condition"? answer to what? When are you "bettered?" Is "battered" much more than a typo? Who can be "battered"? Who can be "bettered"?

Let me make it clear, with both question, and answer, at least to my own mind.

Q: How do you feel?

A: Better.

Do we often ask "WHY?", or do we just respond, and know that it should promote immediate understanding? How is this different from "How are you?" "Fine"...when you are not?

How is this different from "Bettered", or "Bested", when it is not in a spirit of co-operation, but one of malice, and vice, and derision, and "being forgotten?"
Why in the world would we think to do this with God....."besting" Him? Why do we remove our promised Comfort from Ourselves, in removing Him, His Works, His Compassion....His Approach? Because it DEMANDS something of us, which CHALLENGES us?....and let's face it, some people like things just the way they are, thank you very much, with the least effort required - and the most damage, whether it's planning, achieving, progressing - or helping, while you reach for a different, and "better" life, yourself. Hands become even more important, then; hands, and hearts, and minds, and words.....and what we do with them - or not. Ankles crossed, hands demurely placed, eyes downcast: the picture of....what? Ourselves, or the ghost of what was once believed to be what we should be, as human beings, being bereft of joy, or determination, or an opportunity to exhibit skill and compassion in a world ruled by a too-long absence of both, because of fear of the loss of something, and someone, perhaps, so precious: understandable. But not "bettered": "bested". They're different.....and so are we. Like it or not, a broken spirit, or heart, or sensibility - through rape, or any act of domination and humiliation - is a show of weakness, not strength. It exhudes and exemplifies fear and ignorance - not strength, or confidence, or....respect in a modern world which can still espouse the best of its ethics in the way it insists we behave towards each other, as human beings, in the midst of regressed corners of our larger garden which tell us that they have suffered from our neglect?Something else has been at work there; there, where the bestial has suddenly become anything but LionHearted in Christ. 

"Those lines really start to add up to a lot of savings." Wow! A collection of fishermen suddenly understanding God!!! that what we meant? Are they in that equation, or important in that shape, structure, impetus, and pinnacle? Is the tip - which is really a sharp point, all joking aside, much like the one I'm trying to make - really supposed to be - like us - the tip of a pen, or a surgeon's tool: capable of MORE, empowered to achieve even MORE things, for MORE people - or a cap that needs a pom pom, and an attitude adjustment, (lest it forget itself, like the most beloved of clowns, set upon to lighten the hearts and the unhealthy....the forgotten.....the "bested"?), having been mocked into submission, yet again?  Have we deemed them unworthy, even now, as we set our "points" upon our heads, and bemoan the weight of the sorrow, and the responsibility?  Even Harry Potter new that his name spoke volumes about what could be done with clay, when the actions, and the instincts, were working for GOOD. When I think of all the poems an inked wand could have produced, given the dearth, and propensity, for rhyming couplets, it makes my breath surge with hope for literacy. After all, it even talks about potter's clay in the Bible.....and look what GOD did with it, when he breathed His breath into it......there we were, an amazing combination of spirit, and impetus, and longing, and carbon, all rolled into impulse, appetite, and ......"betterment": ourselves, realized....but not yet "bettered", I think.....

MICAH Chapter 4 Verse 8

"....And thou, O tower of the flock, the strong hold of the daughter of Zion, unto thee shall it come, even the first dominion, the kingdom shall come to the daughter of Jerusalem."

 "Bettered", indeed.  Not that I would EVER be allegorically heavy handed. It's just that it's HOPEFUL...and clear. For a woman, a kingdom working in her - even if it is sudden, clear "understanding", rather than, or maybe as the result of, a floating city of dreams in space, even in concept, is very different from what we have been told to expect of ourselves. Choices are scary - and so is someone who wants to know why in the world you would want to eat Christ's elbows. The explanation is daunting.

Not REALLY, you say....besides; I never saw him leaning on them, perplexed, in "artist's concepts". Does that mean they weren't inspired? Or was no one around but God when he laid down for a while in the boat, when no one was looking? Why did it take a storm to wake him up? That is WORK FATIGUE....
Maybe that's why they call it "dead to the world."

Physician, heal thyself.

It takes a "better man" -(i.e. and by this, I mean "woman", too, as well as "good", "bettering", "better and recovered, themselves" - as opposed to, perhaps, necessarily more scholarly: or proven to be, capably learned, perhaps, but more apt to get at the issue causing the problem, as a result of a probing intellect and a genuine desire, combined WITH the intellect, rather than the mistaken belief that they are morally SUPERIOR) to make a better man - and we're not talking about just carbon here: of that I am quite certain....for we are NOT just carbon; we are all the qualities that speak of possibility: we are sorrow and joy, striving and resting; caring and withdrawing, in order to allow for progress of the other, WITHOUT crutch, where one is not needed, and which might only, instead, simply remind one of how INEPT, instead of CAPABLE and indepent, we can really be, as human beings. I guess it's easier - but for whom?

Plus, being treated like you are four years old also means the inherent possibility of never having to stop acting like that. Alas; when you're forty it becomes exceedingly unhelpful, (and unattractive, frankly) when a nation of people are in need of schooling, housing, a sense of "better" - both in themselves, and in the world around them - and the ability to stop "besting" each other into the oblivion which we so obviously started out with, before the "sparks" were "spoken to", and banged into each other with purpose, for a change. Well, as they say, that reaction had to come from somewhere.....and the arguing begins. Meanwhile, space waits, and the day's, and planet's supplies, are running out, due to lack of creativity and an inherent inability to make it reasonably profitable to make another choice. So much for the MBA graduates making a real impression. So much for the poor guy who expected anything but peer jealousy, upon retirement, and the loss of any kind of security, to actually perhaps ENJOY some of it. So much for the rhetoric of "honest reward". When did that concept become a lie, for some people? When did "wanting the best for those you love" mean having someone else steal it all away, because you have a right to (mistakenly) ....distort, exploit, abuse, and steal away, a desire to keep safe someone who has already been harmed, or exhausted from, a lifetime, and a work and rest-filled life of hope and striving?

AGF and the greed heaped upon bereft pensioners whose only crime was not wanting to be a burden on society, in seeking reparation for the abuse and loss of their whole life savings, amidst million dollar bonuses being paid out, in an onslaught of excess and the most vile examples of greed, while clerical workers struggled to manage the ebb and flow of daily transactions within the same environments, in an obscenity of employee abuse, and a continuation of the surety of being able to find someone who you could abuse more easily, whose past exploitation assured their complicit acceptance of it as a workplace norm, while being praised for being "far less lazy", instead of "suitably and culturally groomed to accept the abuse as normal, is success?" How can we make these people more accountable while they continue to imprision us with the burdens of excessive greed? With a loss of community, has come a loss of the importance of the little guy with a dream of finding something that someone needs, and the way, and the tools, with which to accomplish that: the community banker was a big part of that. Strangled by the million dollar bonuses, he becomes a pawn in a frightening machinery of the "removed from reality". He, too, is victimized by it, even as the need for his or her personal integrity increases; for their capacity and compassion, their knowledge and understanding of both those they supposedly serve, and those whose hope depends upon that encouragement and mutual reliablity, is eroded by the "removed and unaffected." The world is a place, for them, troubled by the need for coexistence and mutual striving - not renwed by it. 

 Like the immigration officer in bargain Birkinstock knockoffs, because neither of us could yet afford the real ones, but still "having a dream"(which looked alot like mine) who gave me a work visa in record time on a Friday afternoon in the Korean visa office in Fukuoka, Japan......when the paper lines up, your gut responds, and the only hotel room in fifty miles has just been given up for you by one of two Mexican strippers who both agreed to share one, so you could have a place to sleep, until your plane leaves on Sunday afternoon......the world is sometimes filled with unlikely angelic inspiration. Sometimes you just have to do the right thing, man.....even though later you're not too sure just instantly know it was good.

No wonder the pot guys are rolling their eyes - and their little white papers. We might well appear deeply retarded to an alien species looking in on us; particularly when regarding the arms caches. Talk about a waste of, oh, so many ways!!!! Still, with the spark...sigh. How annoying for the REAL, that we are arguing over particle reaction, and making petrie dishes instead of water purifiers, while we figure out how to visit Cousin Zorb in the planet Zorkon, properly dispose of our nuclear waste, before creating more....or at least the remains of where he was last week: Zorb, that is, as opposed to the nuclear waste. Maybe Zorb could figure it out, if only we figure out a way to escape the bloody awful mess we've made....

Well, it was last week for Him, wasn't it? It's not his fault if we can't keep up, dammit. We're too busy beating each other over the head and blowing smoke up each other's asses. Why would they WANT to talk to us, frankly? I mean, we killed the Son of God! Would you be whipping out the sponge cake and whizzing on in  to the nearest airport?

No wonder He went back; the carbon experience alone must have been totally exasperating, as well as mortally wounding. So much for the carbon- bound: luckily, He saved us having to test it in SAVED. "Forgive them, Father; they know not what they do." He could have added....."please, dearest God; have Patience. I, too, am Yours." Carbon, ego, appetite, and "besting"...including the "a" in the wrong place, perhaps, except at Easter and Thanksgiving, and "battered" having nothing to do with really good tollhouse versions.

Impetus, group dissatisfaction, and finding a common source for our own incompetence - much like Hitler and his government, for instance, when faced with the reality of their complete lack of creativity in order to revive and encourage a renewed economy, in the face of thrift, ingenuity, and the astounding ability to "just keep showing up until the job was done" had a lot to do with that mess.  That experiment in "diversionary bullying to hide one's own administrative and governmental incompetence at problem solving" destroyed six million examples of what they feared, loathed, and envied most: industriousness and success, creativity and compassion. When they couldn't do it themselves, they made sure the "new norm" became so because of what it lacked: sanity,and real examples of it.....I have not forgotten that Jesus was a Jew. Many Christians did then, however. My grandfathers did not - or my grandmothers. I am here, as a result. At risk to their sense of soul, they braved the most vile example of human beings being abused and violated, in order to reaffirm what was expected of REAL MEN - of REAL PEOPLE, in a modern world of compassion and a dwindling sense of, yes, the dreaded word! CHRISTIAN SENSIBILITY: the bravery required when facing the daunting viciousness of a bully who has played into the psyche of the dissatisfied, and convinced them that nothing is required but their avarice, in order to achieve a new low, in the history of our species. He could have been anyone; his victims, the result of an unquestioning, uncaring, and terrorized phalanx of the equally brutalized, who can only be safe when they are on the other end of the gun, in their own some things never change!     

Talk about "regression"....why in the world does every nation not have proper healthcare - or at least the roadways, mapways, highways - real and esoteric - to make this possible? And why do we keep telling each other it must be one kind or the other? Have we forgotten about our carbon? God didn't. He just advised that we would have to temper it with the guidelines, and sensibilities - read WE ONLY USE 10 PERCENT brain capacity - with renewed vigour, and sudden understanding, here - set out in his example in Christ.

And it's a rough hoe not to belt someone back, instead of putting them in a calm, non-damaging restraint, while talking calmly to them, until they recover self-balance: ask any martial artist tempted by those who would manipulate great expertise, in order to do great harm. There is a reason hours and hours of discipline are designed to create selfcontrol and wisdom, compassion, and a desire to "better'. "Bettering" creates a new reality. "Worse" creates ...profit in healthcare? Is a national system of healthcare designed to make a profit for a nation - or only for its caregivers, so that they might continue to both better themselves and others? Is this, then - and finally - why it is so important that government should be handling, and controlling their careful and compassionate complexity, having been charged with the sacred trust of caring for a nation and its people, along with professionals and practitioners? How does this keep in balance the concept of a perpetuation of malady for profit? Is "better" the model, or "malady" the conveyor belt approach to healing? Do you wish to have someone approach your ills as if you were hamburger example b, requiring cut and stitch , like that outlined in pattern type B for a Barbie Dress, using a stolen kidney infected with parasites? I understand it was CHEAPER for someone's bottom line. But then, they were blue collar; plenty where they came from....and important that they stay there, too. One of them might prove to be brilliant AND practical. Seriously; do you really want to CURE anything? Then they'd be BETTER, and beginning to achieve GOALS....perhaps even with a renewed sense, and sensibility, about how achievement changes, when we have used abilities, like our Creator, to renew, and restore, and ....remember. Remember what?

"Remember Me", he said. "Do this, in remembrance of me". He knew all about carbon and spirit; appetite and selfcontrol; the frailties of the human condition, and the maladies and weaknesses of the human ego, the failings of hope, and the frustrations and temptations of the striving. Like the carbon renewed, temporal and temporary vigour gained by consumption of a bit of strong corporeal spirit, the analogy, like the understanding, was both complex, and clear, at one and the same moment, in these days of DNA and electron. "Impetus", "inspiration", the "will of the Spirit", the "Desire of Ages"...that hope, and Wordsworth's "still small, voice" that we know as, in moments, our God, moving in us, that is not of us, but of Him; these things move carbon. Dawkins, sadly, thinks only in terms of appetite and reaction, bound by the corporeal: sensibility cannot provide the same concrete explanation, and so he would deny its existence, even while yearning and searching for proof of it, amidst his notably wistful scoffing:he "wishes" it were so....

Reaction is the corporeal result - something Einstein knew well, when he warned of the responsibilities of the learned to understand the concept of "misuse", and the idea of "power and betterment". Lives, ultimately, had to be about another Example, when Hope was at stake, and it must keep pace with what we "Can do." Should be pause, first, and consider? Perhaps, then, "Yes we Can", would have even greater Meaning.

Moments had to be taken, sometimes, to ensure that this was, indeed, about "our better selves", not just "more." Success, repressed, meant an inability to do more good, too.....and what was absent, in the equation, was the "better man" in the bettered man'....or woman. Preventing success limits and inhibits a whole nation - indeed, in this day, a whole world:ask an incest survivor. Their horrifying breach of trust has created a fierce independence in the healling examples of it; a determination that they WILL be relied upon; that they will ensure that ideals are NOT mocked as something unattainable, or unreal. They begin to "make it so", in a way that needed example, and made it REAL, in themselves. 

This leadership quality has been absent, and the suffering shows within its lofty temporaries: they are still carbon, and the world might still remember them, within that BETTER example. Whether it remains a treasured goal separates one species from another; one world from another; one success from a life well-lived, having realized, beyond one's wildest imagination, the REAL numbers of "Bettered", having "bested" none. The Best, for a moment in space in time, having followed another approach.....and leaving behind.....what? More pain, more debt, more hardship, more violence, more evil, more destruction, more.....evidence of love? What have we done with our garbage, for starters? How have we shown love? Would Dawkins care? If God is the "remembrance, enlivened, even in the continuance of example, which, in the doing, incorporates that same Spirit, within the corporeal, at that instant", then why would he deny God, and impetus, in Man? Why would he, frankly, LIMIT man to the corporeal, aside from, perhaps, a genuine desire to reascertain a "source to end" approach to industrial manufacturing, in a world of unrecycled plastic bottles littering a beach so thickly, that the country's rich are "moved" to build, and live, high above it, instead of incorporating "having it cleaned up" as part of the "new wealth" which created the obscenity in the first place? Millions in slum tents await the consideration....and the moved spirit within a REAL sense of leadership.....     

Where is the creativity which suggests that we CAN get from here to there without poisoning, destroying, bankrupting, disrupting, and starving ourselves, each other, and everyone else, to death? Has no one considered "transitional development", industry-wise, or is the concept, idealization, and impetus which once meant innovation, and REAL progress for the average, modestly incomed person "too hard?" Besides, the word is "difficult": a wall, like a concrete noun, is "hard". A test is "difficult"; a pencil is "hard". When in the world are we going to get that right? Too busy texting, I expect...and it's so much WORK to write it down....sigh. Besides; then I have to read it. Maybe even aloud....eegads! Was THAT how they used the phone way back when????? (Think how their thumbs could be stretched beyond their imagined digital possibilities...the joke of the modern "opposing thumbs", texting away like mad, digitally impaired and squinting aliens.....instead of putting the numbers on the side where you don't hit them with your chin, so that you cut out any semblance of conversation, for one really wants to hear you, anyway. It's all for show, and practicality in design....sigh. Do they expect us to move our chin to suit the design model, or learn to speak through our noses?)

Anyway, if we "morph" the expression into "it takes a better man to make a better man", we get all kinds of wonderful derivations: "it takes a better person to make a better person"; "you have to be better to make better" (I know a few Great Women smiling here, I think, and some Truly Wonderful Men, at the thought, having done so, with or without singing the Rose - but who probably would have been cheerier, had they had the opportunity to do so, a few times, because no one else would do the dishes, while they made the bread to go along with it...); "suddenly, I feel better"; .....but not, "better him than me".

That last is not wishing ANYONE fact, it means the OPPOSITE, doesn't it? We don't have the guts to say what we really mean, perhaps: "there, but for the Grace of God, go I"....too archaic. Too much reading. Too scary....too accurate, perhaps. Or maybe we really DO wish him ill.....unlike the old days, when compassion was an actual part of the language we thought to speak. Even the manner in which it was crafted spoke volumes about the importance we placed on being very CLEAR about what it was we meant, when we said something.......very precise. It was important to understand, back then. "Could mean" became the evidence, and the fog of surety suggested by a pictograph, or a heiroglyph, which suggested all manner of understanding: "difficult" was precise.

I have been difficult; both for God, towards God, and both for, and towards, at times, other people. Sometimes it was because I wanted "betterment". Sometimes it was because I could do nothing, except make known my bewilderment, my fear, and my grief. Sometimes I was afraid because in the devolution of people you trust, your world begins to slowly fall apart, and this is very disconcerting, when they expect you to keep it all together. It's unsettling when the supposedly competent tell you that you're THEIR example, just by refusing to stop simply showing up, day after day. That suddenly becomes a strength, again - and in a time when we really need it.  Rliability does not make you a freak, after all...
Sometimes it was because I was frustrated, hurting, bereft, feeling incapable, stretched beyond the limits of a considerable, and carefully nurtured, capacity for patience; sometimes it was because I longed to be four again, just to have the security, and surety, of both carbon, and compassionate, comfort, which at that time in my life, I knew, in my loving, and wonderful, parents, as everpresent, evercaring, evervigilant, everstriving, and exceedingly humble. I think I always knew them both as underestimated, and undervalued, but I never understood "disadvantaged" and "unrealized potential" until I understood "need" and "humility" - and the stubbornness of refusing to abandon ship.

We have work to do, until it is time. Time for "what" is food for thought, and hope....and we had "better" get to it. Thankfully, we still have it: time, that is. That...and some much-needed rest....until the next time.  We cannot do one, without the other, and we MUST have that, to continue doing the other, with any skill, zeal, or renewed vigour:carbon, and spirit, sanity, and appetite. No wonder they call it a "sense" of humour. How else could you possibly explain it?

....I'll wafer that you will try. Wink. I'll be here, too.....for a while.


Sleepy...pensive....and then ...a song to help!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Easter Holy Week - EASTER SUNDAY

Mathew Chapter 28 Verses 1 - 20.

In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.

2. And behold, there was a great earthquake; for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.

3. His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow;

4. And for fear of him, the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.

5. And the angel ansered and said unto the women, Fear not ye; for I know, that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.

6. He is not here: for he is risen, as he said,. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.

7. And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you unto Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.

8. And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word.

9. And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, "All hail", and they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him.

10. Then said Jesus unto them, "Be not afraid; go tell my brethren that they go into Galilee, and there shall they see me."

11. Now when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and shewed unto the chief priests all the things that were done.

12. And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers,

13. Saying, 'Say ye, His disciples came by night, and stole him away while we slept.

14. And if this come to the governor's ears, we will persuade him, and secure you.'

15. So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying is commonly reported amon ghe Jews until this day.

16. Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them.

17. And when they saw him, they worshipped him; but some doubted.

18. And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, "All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.

19. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

20. Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. " Amen.


from THE HOLLOW MEN       by T.S. Eliot

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar
Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;
Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us - if at all - not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men. 

High Flight      by John Gillespie Magee

O, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings.
Sunward I've climbed and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hovering there,
I've chased the shouting wind along and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirous, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew,
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God 

Easter Holy Week - Saturday

Mathew Chapter 27 Verses 32-66

Chapter 27

When the morning was come, all the chief priests and elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death:

2. And when they had bound him, they led him away, and delivered him to Pontius Pilate the governor.

3. Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he sawthat he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,

4. Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that.

5. And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.

6. And the chief priests took the silver pieces, and said, It is not lawful for to put them into the treasury, because it is the price of blood.

7. And they took counsel, and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.

8. Wherefore that field was called, The field of blood, unto this day.

9. Then was fulfilled that which was poken by Jeremy the prophet, saying, And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the price of him that was valued, whom they of the children of Israel did vallue:

10. And gave them for the potter's field, as the Lord appointed me.

11. And Jesus stood before the governor, and the governor asked him, saying, Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, "Thou sayest".

12. And when he was accused of the chief priests and elders, he answered nothing.

13. Then said Pilate unto him, Hearest thou not how many things they witness aginast thee?

14. And he answered him to never a word: insomuch that the governor marvelled greatly.

15. Now at that feast the governor was wont to release unto the people a prisoner, whom they would.

16. And they had then a notable prisoner, called Barabbas.

17. Therefore when they were gathered together, Pilate said unto them, "Whom will ye that I release unto you Barabbas, or Jesus which is called Christ?"

18. For he knew that for envy they had delivered him.

19. When he was set down on the judgement seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.

20. But the chief priests and elders persuaded the multitude that they should ask Barabbas, and destroy Jesus.

21. The governor answered and said unto them, Whether of the twain will ye that I release unto you? They said, "Barabbas."  

22. Pilate saith unto them, What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ? They all say unto him, Let him be crucified.

23. And the governor said, Why, what evil hath he done? But they cried out the more, saying,
Let him be crucified.

24. When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it.

25. Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.

26. Then released he Barabbas unto them; and when he had scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified.

27. Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the common hall, and gathred unto him the whole band of soldiers.

28. And they stipped him, and put on him a scarlet robe.

29. And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!"

30. And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head.

31. And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.

32. And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name; him they compelled to bear his cross.

33. And when they were come unto a place called Golgotha, that is to say, a place of a skull,

34. They gave him vinegar to drink mingled with gall: and when had had tasted thereof, he would not drink.

35. And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet. 'They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.'

36. And sitting down they watched him there;

37. And set up over his head his accusation written, THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS.

38. Then were there two thieves crucified with him, on on the right hand, and anothr on the left.

39. And they that passed by reviled him, wagging their heads.

40 And saying, Thou that destroyest the temple, and builds it in three days, save thyself, if thou be the Son of  God, come down from the cross.

41 Likewise also the chief priests mocking him, with the scribes and elders, said,

42. He saved others: himself he cannot save. If he be the King of Israel, let him now come down from the cross, and we will believe him.

43. He trusted in God; let him deliver him now, if he will have him, for he said, I am the Son of God.

44. The thieves also, which were crucified with him, cast the same in his teeth.

45. Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour.

46. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, Eli, lama sa bach tha ni?" that is to say, "My God, My God, why hast thous forsaken me?"

47. Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man calleth for Elias.

48. And straightaway one of them ran and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink.

49. The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Elias will come to save him.

50. Jesus, when had had cried again, with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.

51. And, behold, the vail of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;

52. And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose.

53. And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.

54. Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, 'Truly this was the Song of God.'

55. And many women were there beholding afar off, which followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering unto him;

56. Among which was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's children.

57. When the even was come, there came a rich man of Arimathaea, named Joseph, who also himself was Jesus' disciple:

58. He went to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be delivered.

59. And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth.

60 And laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock, and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.

61. And there was Mary Magdalene, and the other Mary, sitting over against the sepulchre.

62. Now the next day, that followed, the day of the preparation, the chief priests and Pharisees came together unto Pilate,

63. Saying, Sir, we remember that that deceiver said, while he was yet alive, After three days I will rise again.

64. Command therefore that the sepulchre be made sure until the third day, lest his disciples come by night, and steal him away, and say unto the people, He is risen from the dead: so the last error whall be worse than the first.

65. Pilate said unto them, Ye have a watch; go your way, make it as sure as ye can.

66. So they went, and made the sepulchre sure, sealing the stone, and setting a watch.


Friday, March 29, 2013



               Chapter. 27 Verses 1-31.

Good Friday - The Crucifixion

At noon the whole country was covered with darkness, which lasted for three hours.

At three o'clock Jesus cried out (from the cross upon which he had been nailed)  with a loud shout, "My God, my God, why did you abandon me?" Some of the people there heard him and said, "Listen, he's calling for Elijah."

One of them ran up with a sponge, soaked it in cheap wine, and put it on the end of a stick. Then he held it up to Jesus' lips and said, "Wait! Let's see if Elijah is coming to bring him down from the cross!"

With a loud cry Jesus died.

The curtain hanging in the Temple was torn in two, from top to bottom.

The army officer who was standing there in front of the cross saw how Jesus died.

"This man was really the Son of God!" he said.

                                            Mark. Chapter 15 Verses 33-39 (GNT)

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Sunday, March 24, 2013

PALM SUNDAY - The Beginning of Holy Week

Isaiah Chapter 61 Verses 1-11. 

1.The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;

2.To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;

3.To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

4.And they shall build the old wastes, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the waste cities, the desolations of many generations.

5. And strangers shall stand and feed your flocks, and the sons of the alien shall be your ploughmen and your vinedressers.

6. But ye shall be named the Priests of the Lord: men shall call you the Ministers of our God; ye shall eat the riches of the Gentiles, and in their glory shall ye boast yourselves.

7. For your shame ye shall have double; and for confusion they shall rejoice in their portion: therefore in their land they shall possess the double: everlasting joy shall be unto them.

8. For I the Lord love judgement, I hate robbery for burnt offering; and I will direct their work in truth, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.

9. And their seed shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people: all that see them shall acknowledge them, they are the seed which the Lord hath blessed.

10.I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels.

11. For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things thar are sown in it to spring forth; so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Street Smart Heart.


Farm Fresh and Elegiac

I have morphed into ...."Aunt Clara, doorknob collector with a Cross."
I am not sure when this happened:
Perhaps somewhere between more despairing news of the latest
Gang rape on public transit in India,
(Midst scenic wonderment, and awe at History and Age, in culture and visual, scenic architectural progress - which ruined the pleasure for someone expecting girly-worldy acceptance, presumably)
...and my despair at being relegated, in secret bursts at work, to
Comfortable shoes, at last. At least Doc Martins made us look cool, despite the absence-of-Mennonite
Sympathies shouting that we must be gay for the practicality, knowing we risked ice on the steps again, teetering wildly, without a little touch of Army, and grit-teethed and grim, settled for the punishment of
Asexual fashion accusation, firm-soled and vertebrae intact.
Even George Clooney said he hated that version of "shoe jamming" - and I, for one, believed his chakra empathy.
(This is a suave, gloved, quiet side of him that looks momentarily pained at inflicted humiliation, regardless of the recipient, and I decide I like this unclown-in-clown. It reminds me of closed velvet, and musing.)
I look at these polished and presuming Men, these developed psyches of sensivity and ordered chaos, beneath the thinning vulnerability of leonine alpha-isms, with affection, knowing that glow emanating from my
Other self, my Own Self - different, and less smarting, than my Owned Beingness, Lightness or No - lights
Nothing but
Inspiration, now, perhaps, in svelte exchanges of paint-perfect and sway swing, bowing. It is enough, waning and whispering, and muttering against the Passage of Time.
This is different, and relaxed, juxtaposed against the public transit obscenity, paining my awareness of regression, after years of work, and I forgive the requirement for perfection. The world, after all, demands it. I consider the idea that I might be an acquired nonsparkling, fortified wine sailing smoothly into Malbec and Merlot, unapologetically. My cheeks even tingle in the cold air, and bloom impossible roses, defying the near-50 precipice on which I find myself, veering precariously between forgotten sensibility, and a whiff of Aramis.

Paco Rabanne, ribold and refreshed, seems inappropriate, here. The spice wins, quietly jubilant, and,
unscathed and steady, I walk through the evening mist, shrouded by a brilliant scarf, and humming.

That I am alone with my memories, spit- swear fierce, still, amidst the faces and changes and loves and discoveries I watch, unobtrusively, from the netherworld of the "unpresent", lyre-stroked and searching, is simply
A spur.   I realize I have lost 17 pounds, absentmindedly, amidst the
Overwork, startled at my re-emerging breasts and shrinking hips.
I am annoyed, liking the
Plump Plumb nomenclature, askance at the
Rickets and Picky petulance of "not myself, apparently", threatening to
Intrude and attempt
I wish they'd stick to their sticks, do their damned jobs, and
Guard my tomatoes, dammit. 
There are world sites to see, unmolested and cash-strewing,
as  a hunger for life, love, and snapshot eyes of yesteryear
Attempt to save the World, and its forgotten.